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Forum: General Stuff Topic: Kids Say the Darnedest Things started by: thibodeaux Posted by thibodeaux on May 13 2012,11:47
Abe (telling a ghost story): The kids walked into the old house, which was full of Devil worshippers. The Devil worshippers put the kids on a table and set them on fire.Wife: That's awful! Abe: What? They're evil! Posted by GORDON on May 13 2012,12:06
Were the devil worshippers also liberal hippies, ala the Manson family?
Posted by thibodeaux on May 13 2012,12:50
I didn't try to get the backstory. I guess we're going to have to stop letting him listen to Slayer, though.
Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 25 2012,15:53
So my eldest (5 yo) was peppering my wife with questions of the Why variety at dinner, and my wife eventually got tired of it. I said I could answer why questions.Daughter: Why do girls have vaginas and boys have penises? (Really? The previous 5 questions were about the weather) Me: Because when they are grownups, they need those to make babies. Daughter: What if two women wanted to marry each other? Me: They could figure out a way. Daughter: What if two women wanted to make a baby. Me: They can't do that, you need one set of each parts. Daughter: What if you had two sets of each parts? Me: Then you might not be sure who the daddy was. Daughter: What? Posted by GORDON on Jun. 25 2012,16:39
(TheCatt @ Jun. 25 2012,18:53) QUOTE So my eldest (5 yo) was peppering my wife with questions of the Why variety at dinner, and my wife eventually got tired of it. I said I could answer why questions. Daughter: Why do girls have vaginas and boys have penises? (Really? The previous 5 questions were about the weather) Me: Because when they are grownups, they need those to make babies. I would have said "DNA." Posted by GORDON on Jun. 28 2012,18:29
Wife bugs me to teach our 6-year-old boy how to do subtraction problems. I think a moment, and say:"You have a spaceship with 7 people on board, and one cat. An alien pops out of one of the people, and kills 5 more. What's left?" Amid lots of giggling, he says, "One person, and one cat." I say, "And?" silence. I finish, "And one alien, but good." "Next subtraction question: You have a squad of 10 Space Marines, and their commander ordered them to take the bullets out of their guns. They walk into a nest of aliens. How many Space Marines are left?" "Zero?" "Very good. You understand subtraction just fine." I am not kidding. I really asked him those question, just now. Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 29 2012,12:49
lol
Posted by GORDON on Jun. 04 2013,19:08
The wife and I have had this verbal thing we have done for the last 20 years.... the usage of the phrase, "your mom's butt" to replace most any noun."Where is the thing I am looking for?" "Probably in your mom's butt." So obviously the kid has heard us say that a lot. So today: Wife: Where should we go to eat? Me: Doesn't really matter, all the places are in your mom's butt, anyway. If you go to Google Earth you can see your mom's butt without even having to zoom in all that much. It is the only manmade butt visible from space. Wife: Yeah well your mom's butt is so big that we are inside it right now. My 7 year old son: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! She said Mimi's butt is really big and it is! I give him a look. He stops laughing, looks at me, and says, "Metaphorically speaking, of course." Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 05 2013,03:32
Give our (belated) birthday wishes to your mom's butt.
Posted by GORDON on Jun. 05 2013,07:33
Me: do this thing.Kid: Why? Me: Because I said so. Kid: That's circular logic. Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 05 2013,07:42
I bet he's already started planning his uprising.
Posted by GORDON on Jun. 05 2013,07:48
The other day I found a map of europe he drew in his sandbox, and likely invasion routes.
Posted by GORDON on Jun. 27 2013,20:11
Kid: "Country music sucks. Except for banjo music. That sounds really good."
Posted by Leisher on Jun. 27 2013,20:13
(GORDON @ Jun. 27 2013,23:11) QUOTE Kid: "Country music sucks. Except for banjo music. That sounds really good." That's not a good sign. Posted by GORDON on Jun. 27 2013,20:13
I never even knew he liked the sound of a banjo.Time to watch Deliverance with him. Posted by Leisher on Jun. 27 2013,20:19
(GORDON @ Jun. 27 2013,23:13) QUOTE I never even knew he liked the sound of a banjo. Time to watch Deliverance with him. I would strongly advise against that. If he likes the banjo, he might get mad at Burt Reynolds killing those innocent rednecks just defending their land against Ned Beatty... Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 27 2013,21:59
(GORDON @ Jun. 27 2013,22:11) QUOTE Kid: "Country music sucks. Except for banjo music. That sounds really good." Nothing wrong with some old skool country. "New country" is to music what O'Doul's is to beer. Johnny Cash did country. Johnny Cash was bad-ass. Posted by TPRJones on Jul. 01 2013,10:25
Sounds like he might be a potential fan of The Cleverlys. Posted by GORDON on Jul. 01 2013,10:54
That song with the southern accents is pretty funny.
Posted by GORDON on Jan. 10 2014,19:32
Watching I, Robot tonight with the wife and kid. Kid is 8.Will Smith jumps up and starts going to town on some robots. The kid pipes up, "Oh, he's got a machine gun... err, no, it is a SMG." I was so proud. Posted by TheCatt on May 24 2014,07:22
Breakfast conversation today:Allie (7 years old): Daddy, can the government see us right now? I mean in our house, eating breakfast? Me: I hope not. Mommy: Probably not inside the house. Stella (3 years): I don't like government. Posted by GORDON on Jul. 07 2014,18:46
I was in the grocery store the other day with my kid (currently 8). I saw a dollar on the floor near our feet, and pointed it out to him. He snatched it up and before I could stop him went to the nearest old lady about ten feet away with her back to us and said, "Excuse me, did you drop this?" Well of course she said she did, and she took it. She thanked him and stuff. I just patted his head and told him that was very nice.He's a good boy. Probably way nicer than all y'alls little brats. Posted by TheCatt on Jul. 07 2014,19:02
My daughter (7) found a $20 bill on the floor of the grocery store on Friday. She told me about it, and I said it was mine, and she gave it to me.True story. Posted by Troy on Jul. 07 2014,19:20
I dropped by my wallet in the parking deck today. Someone found my business card in it and called me 5m later. I gave them the 10 bucks that was inside, and thanked them profusely. Me being an idiot and the southern people being awesome. The end.
Posted by TheCatt on Jul. 07 2014,19:28
I found someone's wallet on the side of the street last year while I was biking to work. Someone had stolen it from the dude while he was at the pool, stripped out the money, and thrown the rest out on the road.I guess he gave me all the $ that was in it, too. Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 07 2014,21:04
I found a wallet on the road one day over a decade ago. I still can't figure out wtf happened for the dude to lose it because he was under the impression he lost it in a building somewhere. Was walking on a side street and noticed a trail of plastics (credit cards, membership cards, driver's license) leading to a brown wallet. Was like breadcrumbs. After gathering it all up, everything inside including the cash was intact.Also turned out to be a priest's wallet. I figure either: 1) the universe has a wicked sense of humour 2) god was throwing out obvious bait Posted by Vince on Jul. 08 2014,05:04
I found some money one time.I put it in my pocket. True story. Posted by TheCatt on Jul. 08 2014,05:51
(TheCatt @ Jul. 07 2014,22:02) QUOTE My daughter (7) found a $20 bill on the floor of the grocery store on Friday. She told me about it, and I said it was mine, and she gave it to me. True story. For the record, it actually was mine, and had just fallen out of my wallet. My daughter was disappointed that she didn't get to keep it. Posted by Vince on Jul. 08 2014,06:18
Good girl. Honest, but not stupid about it ;-)
Posted by TheCatt on Jul. 04 2015,06:21
My 4 year old: Why do babies come out of our girllie parts instead of our mouths?I wanted to say a particular response, but it seemed inappropriate. Her logic was that if the baby is in the tummy, food goes in to your tummy via your mouth, so why wouldn't the baby come out that way? Posted by Vince on Jul. 06 2015,09:14
She's not going to be bulimic is she?
Posted by TheCatt on Sep. 17 2015,18:18
Today our last pet rabbit passed away, and we told the kids when they came home from school:Youngest: (Starts bawling) Oldest: (pauses 2 seconds), We should think about getting another pet now. |