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Topic: Kids Say the Darnedest Things< Next Oldest | Next Newest >
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thibodeaux Search for posts by this member.
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PostIcon Posted on: May 13 2012,11:47  Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
Abe (telling a ghost story): The kids walked into the old house, which was full of Devil worshippers. The Devil worshippers put the kids on a table and set them on fire.
Wife: That's awful!
Abe: What? They're evil!
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PostIcon Posted on: May 13 2012,12:06 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
Were the devil worshippers also liberal hippies, ala the Manson family?

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PostIcon Posted on: May 13 2012,12:50 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
I didn't try to get the backstory. I guess we're going to have to stop letting him listen to Slayer, though.
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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 25 2012,15:53 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
So my eldest (5 yo) was peppering my wife with questions of the Why variety at dinner, and my wife eventually got tired of it.  I said I could answer why questions.

Daughter: Why do girls have vaginas and boys have penises?
(Really?  The previous 5 questions were about the weather)
Me: Because when they are grownups, they need those to make babies.
Daughter: What if two women wanted to marry each other?
Me: They could figure out a way.
Daughter: What if two women wanted to make a baby.
Me: They can't do that, you need one set of each parts.
Daughter: What if you had two sets of each parts?
Me: Then you might not be sure who the daddy was.
Daughter: What?

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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 25 2012,16:39 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

(TheCatt @ Jun. 25 2012,18:53)
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So my eldest (5 yo) was peppering my wife with questions of the Why variety at dinner, and my wife eventually got tired of it.  I said I could answer why questions.

Daughter: Why do girls have vaginas and boys have penises?
(Really?  The previous 5 questions were about the weather)
Me: Because when they are grownups, they need those to make babies.

I would have said "DNA."

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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 28 2012,18:29 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
Wife bugs me to teach our 6-year-old boy how to do subtraction problems.  I think a moment, and say:

"You have a spaceship with 7 people on board, and one cat.  An alien pops out of one of the people, and kills 5 more.  What's left?"

Amid lots of giggling, he says, "One person, and one cat."

I say, "And?"   silence.  I finish, "And one alien, but good."

"Next subtraction question: You have a squad of 10 Space Marines, and their commander ordered them to take the bullets out of their guns.  They walk into a nest of aliens.  How many Space Marines are left?"

"Zero?"

"Very good.  You understand subtraction just fine."

I am not kidding.  I really asked him those question, just now.

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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 29 2012,12:49 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
lol

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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 04 2013,19:08 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
The wife and I have had this verbal thing we have done for the last 20 years.... the usage of the phrase, "your mom's butt" to replace most any noun.

"Where is the thing I am looking for?"
"Probably in your mom's butt."

So obviously the kid has heard us say that a lot.

So today:

Wife: Where should we go to eat?

Me: Doesn't really matter, all the places are in your mom's butt, anyway.  If you go to Google Earth you can see your mom's butt without even having to zoom in all that much.  It is the only manmade butt visible from space.

Wife:  Yeah well your mom's butt is so big that we are inside it right now.


My 7 year old son:  Ha ha ha ha ha ha!  She said Mimi's butt is really big and it is!

I give him a look.

He stops laughing, looks at me, and says, "Metaphorically speaking, of course."

Edited by GORDON on Jun. 04 2013,19:09

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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 05 2013,03:32 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
Give our (belated) birthday wishes to your mom's butt.

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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 05 2013,07:33 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
Me: do this thing.
Kid: Why?
Me: Because I said so.

Kid:   That's circular logic.

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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 05 2013,07:42 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
I bet he's already started planning his uprising.

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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 05 2013,07:48 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
The other day I found a map of europe he drew in his sandbox, and likely invasion routes.

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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 27 2013,20:11 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
Kid: "Country music sucks.  Except for banjo music.  That sounds really good."

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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 27 2013,20:13 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

(GORDON @ Jun. 27 2013,23:11)
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Kid: "Country music sucks.  Except for banjo music.  That sounds really good."

That's not a good sign.
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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 27 2013,20:13 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
I never even knew he liked the sound of a banjo.

Time to watch Deliverance with him.

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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 27 2013,20:19 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

(GORDON @ Jun. 27 2013,23:13)
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I never even knew he liked the sound of a banjo.

Time to watch Deliverance with him.

I would strongly advise against that. If he likes the banjo, he might get mad at Burt Reynolds killing those innocent rednecks just defending their land against Ned Beatty...
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PostIcon Posted on: Jun. 27 2013,21:59 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE

(GORDON @ Jun. 27 2013,22:11)
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Kid: "Country music sucks.  Except for banjo music.  That sounds really good."

Nothing wrong with some old skool country.  "New country" is to music what O'Doul's is to beer.  Johnny Cash did country.  Johnny Cash was bad-ass.

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Diogenes of Sinope:

"It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."

"Other dogs bite only their enemies, whereas I bite also my friends in order to save them."

Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC:

"Better dead than smeg."
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I saw The Fault in our Stars opening night.
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PostIcon Posted on: Jul. 01 2013,10:25 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
Sounds like he might be a potential fan of The Cleverlys.

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PostIcon Posted on: Jul. 01 2013,10:54 Skip to the previous post in this topic. Skip to the next post in this topic. Ignore posts   QUOTE
That song with the southern accents is pretty funny.

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PostIcon Posted on: Jan. 10 2014,19:32 Skip to the previous post in this topic.  Ignore posts   QUOTE
Watching I, Robot tonight with the wife and kid.  Kid is 8.

Will Smith jumps up and starts going to town on some robots.  The kid pipes up, "Oh, he's got a machine gun... err, no, it is a SMG."

I was so proud.

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